Growth comes through tender mercies

I love written words.

 I feel inspired and honest words can transform us and alter us just by letting them curl up into our hearts.  If anything I know I can write honestly.  I wrote two posts just over a year ago (here and here) that felt freeing to my soul. I wrote about my most "rock bottom" experiences that I really really hated while I was going through them.  As I wrote, I realized that I was finally in a place that I could look back on those days with endearment and gratitude instead of shuddering and feeling heavy.

I now recognize the many tender mercies I was given during those dark days and the days following.  These experiences healed my heart and lifted me in ways I never thought possible.  One of the individualized blessings I want to remember are a group of women who I am deeply grateful came into my life.

I feel like I understand the bond of sisterhood since I have four fabulous sisters to call my own, but what I experienced with these ladies was a bond fused by the fire of the spirit, service, and absolute acceptance.

My self-esteem was pretty low when I moved from Tremonton.  Not self image in the way the world looks at it but I felt a lessening confidence because of how I thought my Heavenly Father saw me.  As it turns out I had, and still have, a lot to learn about the character of God.  I felt I couldn't do hard things therefore, He couldn't trust me to learn through hard things. I had failed once. Failed miserably!  I thought that Heavenly Father looked down on me in a disappointed light because of these supposed failures.

When we moved to Cache Valley I was asked to work with the young ladies in our neighborhood.  The theme for the year just happened to be focused on "I can do hard things".  I looked into these ladies eyes and testified that they could do anything they were meant to do.  I believed it whole-heartedly, but for some reason in the back of my mind I felt exempt from that belief.  I loved those girls, I cheered for those girls, and I knew in my heart of hearts how deeply the Lord loved those girls.  I felt exceptionally blessed to be in cahoots with those beautiful ladies.  My time to be with them was short because I was asked to work with not only the girls, but the leaders in our stake.

I didn't know any of the ladies I was going to be serving with, but as I met with them, served with them, cried with them, and laughed with them, my heart grew and grew and grew. They became my sisters.  They loved me for the quirky, yet endearing ;) woman I am.  They unknowingly built me up and took me by the hand to return to the Katie I could finally recognize.  They loved me unconditionally and it brought about a miracle!  I could see that the Lord trusted these ladies to love me and that I could recognize His love through them.  Boy, did I ever.  To these women I could bare my soul because I knew that I could trust them.  With my deepest fears, my joyous discoveries, and my tender growth, they were a shield of love and like water to a desert I bloomed.

I realized the depth of a plan created full of love, growth, mistakes, mercy, failure, and triumph.  I learned how much I need to rely and trust in my Savior and how grateful I am for the atonement.  I learned that I can do hard things.  I learned of the incredible power of the spirit and how to serve God with my whole heart.  I learned what kind of sister I want to be to every woman I meet.

So, thank you ladies.  Thank you for having the love of our Savior in your hearts.  Thank you for keeping me safe, and helping me learn of my worth.  You have a tender place in my heart forever!

(Some of my ladies)